Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
