I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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