I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
