i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
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