Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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