you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
