She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
