If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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