if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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