My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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