Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
In other news, I just burned my penis
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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