so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The Olympian is in my bed
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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