Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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