I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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