the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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