She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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