You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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