it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize