she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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