I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
