Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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