Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Holy sore nipples Batman
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
