Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
