she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
