I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
