Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
