YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize