i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
