just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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