i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
