I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
