Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
