Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
