And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
