If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
