If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
