He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
