The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
