Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
