Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize