Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
