You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
