I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
