I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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