dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We had to coat check the pizza.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
