UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
