Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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