I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
