He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize