mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
