If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
