It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
