so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize