one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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