nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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