Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
