They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
