Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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