and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
