The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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