One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
