There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
