gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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