I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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