honey bunches of taint.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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