I cockslap morals
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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