In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
