I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
