I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
