Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize