You work out of a Hotel?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
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