Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
