I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
