i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
