Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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