I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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