I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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