So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
