I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
