my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize