when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
