they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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