someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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