She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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