where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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