I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
