Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
