she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
