you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
