I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
