I wish I could teleport
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
