The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
my poor anus
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize