you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
